The Role of Parents in the Spiritual Development of Children

Christians would agree that our children are extremely important. Christian parents invest their lives in providing for the needs and wants of their children with the desired outcome of a happy and successful life. Parents attend ball practices and games, work in concession stands, live through hours of piano practice and endure recitals, all to provide opportunities for their children to be their absolute best. Yet, often, the most important investment parents could make, an investment in the spiritual development of their children, is ignored (Beckwith 2004, 11). Barna expresses his frustration at this trend when he states the following: “I have been discouraged to discover that most American adults—including most parents—see spiritual development of children as a value-added proposition rather than the single most-important aspects of children’s development” (Beckwith 2004, 14). We must begin to recognize that the spiritual development of children is not only important but also mandated by Scripture. We must also recognize that the development of children’s spiritually is dependant upon the parents and adults of the faith community. The role of leaders is critical in the spiritual development of children.

We must begin with the recognition that children are capable of an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ and see them the way He saw them (Christensen 2003, 32). James Fowler’s Faith Development Theory helps us to acknowledge that there are distinct stages of faith, similar to what we commonly recognize in Jean Piaget’s Cognitive Developmental Theory, and that we cannot expect a child’s relationship with the Lord to develop the same as an adult. Adults often discount the faith of a child because it does not look the same as adult faith. The faith of a child is often more innocent, influenced by images and stories, and tends to interpret information literally because they are limited to concrete thinking (Beckwith 2004, 41 and Downs 1994, 115). As a child’s faith develops, she begins to see God in relational terms; she begins to see God as a friend. As children experience the Gospel they are open to the love of God and desire to enter into a relationship with him. Statistics tell us that the likelihood of a child (age 5 -12) accepting Jesus as Savior is 32 percent compared to adults (6%) (Barna 2003, 34). Understanding how a child’s faith develops and that they are open to hearing and responding to the Story of God becomes very important for those working with children because it will affect the way that they teach and interact with children.

Parents play a significant role in the process of spiritual development of children. As they interact with their children on a daily basis they have the opportunity to develop within the child a Christian worldview. Stonehouse reinforces this concept by stating, “the commands of God are taught best in the normal flow of life” (Stonehouse 1998, 25). Stonehouse recognizes that this informal style of teaching, living life, is the most effective and long lasting form of education (Stonehouse 1998, 25). Much of Jesus’ ministry on earth took place in everyday living of life. As He encountered people on the roadside, in the marketplace, or in a tree, He taught them the truth in the context of their life experience. Jesus recognized the effectiveness of applying the truth to everyday life. (For a deeper understanding of the power of informal teaching refer to Norman Steineker and M. Robert Bell’s taxonomy in their book, The Experiential Taxonomy: A New Approach to Teaching and Learning by Academic Press, 1979.) As parents take this role seriously, each encounter with their child during every day becomes an opportunity to immerse them one more time in the Story of God.

There are times, however, that the Church may feel parents are not always following through with this responsibility, and believe that they should step in and fill that void. The reality is that only parents can truly be the spiritual mentors of their children. Whether parents choose to be the spiritual leaders of their family or not, the reality is that they are the leader. The question becomes what kind of leader will they be?

Deuteronomy 6:4-9, known as the Shema, is one of several passages that functions as a call for parental training of children. This passage has become the mantra of children’s ministry, as well as other teaching ministries, and serves as the model for how parents should be about teaching their children. In these few verses, God’s Word gives parents an outline for rearing children. It begins with the command to love God with all that is within and to keep these truths in their heart. As these truths become a part of the very being of the parents, their actions will demonstrate these truths to their children. Parents are to immerse their children in these truths when they are at home or away from home, when they prepare for bed and when they get up. They are to make it a part of their fashion by binding the written truth upon themselves and to include it in their décor at home. Immersion in the truths of God must be done with diligence so that obedience on the part of the child will be the outcome (Downs 1994, 24). In short, parents are to immerse their children in the truth in everything they do and everywhere they go. The truth should become so much a part of our children that it affects them each moment of each day (Pazmino 2002, 21). The focus of the Shema is not on the parent’s basic skills or teaching abilities, but “rather the type of person the parent is and is becoming” (Richards 1983, 192).

Horace Bushnell, who understood well the role of parents in the spiritual development of children, believed that the ultimate goal is to rear up a child so he knows nothing except the love of God (Bushnell 1953, 4). He is even willing to go as far as to say,

…the aim, effort, and expectation should be, not, as is commonly assumed, that the child is to grow up in sin, to be converted after he comes to a mature age; but that he is open on the world as one that is spiritually renewed, not remembering a time when he went through a technical experience, but seeming rather to have loved what is good from his earliest years.
(Bushnell 1953, 4)
As pointed out by Downs, the strength of this argument is that it puts parents in a position of responsibility to take seriously the training of their children to be taught a Christian worldview and to see the world from a Christian perspective (Downs 1994, 66). The weakness of Bushnell’s argument seems to be that he does not take seriously the role of original sin in the saving process. Kevin Lawson softens the seemingly harsh language of Bushnell in addressing the issue of original sin by interpreting Bushnell’s words as meaning, “by God’s grace these children would not need a radical conversion experience in life because their faith would have grown through a gradual process” (Lawson 2001, 23). However one might interpret Bushnell’s theology of sin, the truth lies in the realization that children do not necessarily need to know the dark pits of sin, but have the potential to live a life of love and intimacy with God prior to the realization that there is a need for forgiveness of sin. In Wesleyan tradition this relationship with God prior to the understanding of a need for forgiveness is known as “prevenient grace.” Stonehouse understands the depth of this “grace that goes before” when she says, “we will never minister to a child in whose life the grace of God is not active” (Stonehouse 1998, 22).

Scripture makes clear that the spiritual responsibility of rearing children lies in the hands of parents. The challenge for children’s pastors today is how to best support parents in their responsibilities to faithful rear their children in the faith.

Discussion questions:
• What role does the church play in the spiritual development of children?
• What should be the focus of children’s pastors who are interested in helping children grow spiritually?
• Can or should the church take over the role that Scripture requires of parents?
• How can children’s pastors help parents be the spiritual leaders that God asks them to be?

Reference List

Barna, George. 2003. Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions: Why Children Should Be Your Church’s #1 Priority. Ventura: Regal.

Beckwith, Ivy. 2004. Postmodern Children’s Ministry: Ministry to Children in the 21st Century. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

Bushnell, Horace. 1953. Christian Nurture. 1888; reprint, New Haven: Yale University Press.

Christensen, Randy. 2003. Crucial Concepts in Kids’ Ministry: Principles for Effective Ministry to Children. Tulsa: Insight Publishing.

Downs, Perry. 1994. Teaching for Spiritual Growth: An Introduction to Christian Education. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

Lawson, Kevin. 2001. Historical Foundations of Christian Education. Edited by Michael Anthony. Introducing Christian Education: Foundations for the Twenty-first Century. Grand Rapids: Baker Academics.

Pazmino, Robert W. 2002. Foundational Issues in Christian Education: An Introduction in Evangelical Perspective. Grand Rapids: Baker Books.

Richards, Lawrence O. 1983. Children’s Ministry: Nurturing Faith within the Family of God. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

Stonehouse, Catherine. 1998. Joining Children on the Spiritual Journey: Nurturing a Life of Faith. Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1998.