Family Ministry

When You Least Expect It

Serving in youth ministry has allowed me to walk alongside hundreds of families over the years, and I am convinced that all parents want the best for their children. What the best is, I am discovering, is up for grabs. As I have watched teenagers attempt to navigate the rough waters of adolescence and make their way into adulthood, I have been pleasantly surprised by some as they completely sell out to the call of God. At the same time, I have been disappointed by some who seem to be satisfied with the status quo. Watching this has made me reflect on my own children and as a result, I have grown deeply burdened for them.

I guess every parent longs for his/her child to do well in school, marry well, and have a successful career, but the more I grow, I am finding that my hopes for my children are deeper, thicker, and more spiritual than they have been in the past.

I have come to realize that my hope for my children lies in the fact that I want them to some way, know in a rich and full way what it means to be created, redeemed, and called. I call this a vocational identity. But, as I have looked around and have witnessed the "groaning of creation," I have almost resigned myself to the fact that, when I see so many students and adults who do not have a sense of vocational identity-that they too are created, can be redeemed, and are called-this might be the destiny for my kids as well. Not much trust in the grace of God, I know.

And then grace explodes over me. I am ashamed. I want to cry. And I rejoice.

What does it mean to have and know a vocational identity? What does it mean to be created, redeemed, and called? And how do I pass this off to my children?

Recently, I have been deep in study under the tutelage of authors such as Henri Nouwen, Eugene Peterson, and Dallas Willard. I am learning that to introduce a vocational identity to my children, I must work out my own sense of vocational identity in front of them and invite them to help me discover mine as I help them discover theirs.

It was Erik Erikson who was the first to discuss Identity Formation in the middle part of the 20^th Century.[1] But a sense of identity, according to Chap Clark, is discovered rather than formed.[2] From a theological perspective, identity is discovered in the tools that assist in ushering a person into the presence of Christ. Worship, sacred readings (lectio divina), fasting, prayer, silence, and serving the poor are some of these tools. However, when I personally analyzed how I (rather, we-I know I am not in this alone-my wife Holly and the Church of Jesus are a part of this) carried this out, I noticed that we were not doing very well in equipping our kids with these tools. We began asking ourselves, "What do the disciplines of the Spirit-filled life look like for a four and eight year old?" In this we found something we did not expect.

We discovered that although our children were young, it was important to make these disciplines age appropriate. Turning off the TV for a period of time is a kid version of fasting. Children's church and sitting with mom and dad in big church is the kid version of worship. Reading positive books packed with life transforming stories (both sacred and secular) is the kid version of sacred reading. But, there was one area that I think scripture refers to, and one place where Jesus goes and allows us to follow him to this place. That place? Where the poor live.

I was taken back when I realized that my children were not active in serving the poor so we began to make this a point of prayer. We talked and prayed about the suffering we saw in our area and the impact of new programs starting at our church, but frankly, my children were not in community with anyone whose life was designed around collecting the basic needs of life. We had not created space in order that my kids were given the opportunity to be redeemers for people in this situation. Furthermore, we did not give them an opportunity to see how people such as this could be redeemers in their lives. My burden for my children began to extend to the poor in our city.

As a family, we determined that there were two things we knew about in this life: youth ministry and bicycles. I have always been an avid biker and biking is a family event for us. Within this, the question loomed: "How might God want to use us and our interests in order to be redeeming agents in the world?" Through several months of prayer together, having secret, intimate moments of laughter and hope, discussing how God might want to use our gifts to serve the poor, an idea was born within us.

In the evenings during prayer time we talked to God about what the needs were in our city, how we might be involved in the redeeming work of God, and God began to reveal the need of transportation for the working poor. Together we decided to begin a non-profit organization (we are still trying to get all the IRS paperwork filled out) called Second Chance Bikes. Immediately we began looking to recover, restore, and give away bikes to those who may be in need.

People have heard about our project and have been jumping on board with excitement and enthusiasm. Recognizing that our area suffers when no safe transportation for the working poor is provided, people have been donating time, money, bikes, and helmets.

And my burden grows deeper as this journey keeps moving forward.

Last month I was at the church and received a call. A homeless man named Glen wanted to talk with a pastor. Not thinking about this project which has been a source of discussion at our home, I thought he wanted a ride or some gas money. Instead, he said, "I was wondering if the church would be able to help me out. I could really use some transportation . . . a bike perhaps?" The week prior to meeting Glen, a bike was donated to me. An adult helmet was donated as well and both sat in my garage. My response: "Glen, today is your lucky day."

All of a sudden, our family's vocational identity was revealed. We have been created, we have been redeemed, and we have been called. God listened to our prayers, took the disciplines that were tools to create intimacy with him and others-that were age appropriate-and allowed us to be redeemers in the lives of others. Last month a vocational identity was discovered.

If youth ministry is at its best, where the young are not only cared for but are given space to discover a vocational identity-to know that they are created, they are redeemed, and they are called-youth ministry leaders continually need to be advocates for the young by helping families reflect the values community of faith: worship, sacred readings (lectio divina), fasting, prayer, silence, and serving the poor. In these disciplines, a vocational identity is discovered.  

Then, just when you least expect it, grace explodes all over you. You are ashamed. You want to cry. And you rejoice.

Biographical Information:

Biography

Clark, Chap. "Hurt: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers." Seminar, The Oaks Camp and Conference Center, February 2008.

Erikson, Erik H. Childhood and Society. [1st ] ed. New York: Norton, 1950.

Erikson, Erik Homburger. Identity, Youth and Crisis. New York: W.W. Norton, 1968.

[1] See Erik H. Erikson, Childhood and Society (New York: Norton, 1950). See also Erik Homburger Erikson, Identity, Youth and Crisis (New York: W.W. Norton, 1968).

[2] Chap  Clark, "Hurt: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers," (Seminar, The Oaks Camp and Conference Center: February 2008).