Stopping Sloppy Agape – Loving those among us for the long haul.

I'm on a crusade to end what I call "sloppy agape."  In 25 years of urban compassionate ministry experience I see churches, ministries, and good people fall into this trap over and over again. In our attempt to be politically correct and because we're afraid of offending anyone, we give out the goods without the good news. We give out bread without also offering the bread of life. We practice social compassion without offering spiritual solutions.

"Sloppy Agape" happens when we disconnect the methods of compassion from Jesus' message of hope and salvation. It happens when we have not fully thought out our theology and practice of why we do compassion. If we simply give out the goods without offering the good news, we are no different than all the other social welfare efforts. People will remain hungry and lost. "Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word of God." (Luke 4:4)

Jesus did not practice sloppy agape. The miracle of feeding the multitudes followed a marathon preaching session. Only after he shared the good news did Jesus break and bless the loaves and fishes. Often he reminded his listeners that they will hunger and thirst again but the living water (and word) he offered will last for an eternity. (John 4)

When Jesus healed the blind man, he made the man go into the pool and wash the mud from his eyes.  Only then was he healed. There would not have been a miracle unless the man exercised some faith and effort to respond to Jesus' command and his compassion. Jesus invited the man to become a partner in the compassionate healing for the long haul.

The Good Samaritan did not just throw change in the man's cup. He took the time and effort to "bandage his wounds" put him on his donkey, took care of him, and told the innkeeper, "Look after him until I return." Luke 10. That was the point of "being a good neighbor."  Jesus was instructing the young "expert in the law" that real compassion requires "returning" not just relieving pain.

My heart aches when I'm at Pastor's conferences and the dinner discussion turns to their latest "getting taken" story. They get "hit up" by someone who wants money and later find out that the person spent the money on booze. Of course pastors and churches that "get burned" become increasingly compassionately callous. But the primary problem is unwise compassion - "sloppy agape". I always tell church leaders "check" it out before you write the check. If we allow people to manipulate us, we become enablers who contribute to their destructive lifestyle. We will miss an opportunity to empower them beyond the con. 

I've often offered work to men holding cardboard signs at the intersection. Yet, very few have agreed. One man asked, "How much you paying?" I said, "$8.00 an hour." He politely answered, "Thanks but I do about $10 an hour standing here." So I saved us both some time and money in the game.

Jane brought her newborn baby to a suburban church and told the pastor her sad story. Her mobile home had burned and since she had no insurance, she was now homeless. She said she needed $600 for materials to fix her place. The church agreed to help and asked me how they should proceed. Fortunately, they knew they shouldn't give cash. As we discussed our options I asked, "So how bad is the damage anyway?" To my astonishment they said, "Well, we're not sure. We've not been over there." I said, "Well before you do anything, check it out." So we drove to the mobile home and found there was no fire damage.  When Jane saw us pull up, she met us outside, obviously embarrassed. The gig was up, and we all learned a good lesson.

Sadly this story is repeated often. However, we must not let the con games keep us from discerning where and how to best utilize our limited resources. As we relieve human suffering we can also point people to the Master Builder who can and will repair ruined lives.         

It is a cop out to say "It's not my responsibility if they use my help poorly. It's between them and the Lord." Of course it is our responsibility to be good stewards. Jesus has harsh words for those who squander or bury their talents.

Sloppy Agape is easy which is why so many engage in it. We just hand over what they want and pray they go their merry way saying as Keith Green writes in his compelling song "'God bless you, go in peace', while all heaven just weeps.  Jesus came to your door but you've left him out on the streets."

Unfortunately Jesus didn't leave us with a training manual on living out wise compassion. We learn by experience and being sensitive to the Holy Spirit.

Sloppy Agape takes place when we fail to explore creative opportunities to engage in responsible compassion. Instead of giving out cash or cans, hire folks to clean up the neighborhood. Offer them dignity instead of begging.

My church works with other local churches to house homeless families for an intensive two-month period where they provide temporary housing, job placement, start a savings account for their rent deposit and training for life skills for the long haul. It's working wonders and so are similar programs across the nation. But it's all done in the context of a loving caring compassionate congregation that shares "Soup, Soap, and Salvation."  Our urban compassionate ministry church/center saw a great need for those in our community who were evicted or always on the move, so we started a new moving ministry. I called it "Four Men  and a Truck."  My wife and I keep a downstairs furnished apartment for those in need which have included homeless women, foreign student, divorced mother and child and missionaries.

John Wesley was a master at compassionate evangelism. When he saw illiterate children working in the mines six days a week, he started reading programs on the day they didn't have to work - Sunday. Thus the origins of "Sunday School" - learning to read and study the Bible. When those living in the slums of London couldn't afford medical attention, Wesley wrote a laymen's guide to medical treatments and saved thousands of lives. When the poor couldn't get loans to start small businesses he started local co-op community banks. Wesley refused to engage in sloppy agape. He went the second and third mile to get to the root of the problem and offer real compassionate evangelism. He had to demonstrate "love among us for the long haul" because no one else cared or would.

The approach one takes in delivering compassion needs to be prayerfully and carefully developed. Most of all, take time to get to know those you are helping and find out what their real felt needs are. If you're really going to offer Christian compassionate evangelism love among the poor, it has to be for the long haul or don't get started at all.

Be careful, Stopping "Sloppy Agape" is hard work and takes a lot of emotional, physical, and spiritual energy as we see in the Good Samaritan story. If you really love someone as Jesus loved us all, you've got to be willing to give up your comfort, your cloak, your checkbook, your clock, and your calendar to offer holistic and holy compassion.

Love for the long haul. It's been going on over 2,000 years!