Sabbath: Option or Mandate?

Now, I'm not an expert on Sabbath, Sabbath-keeping, etc., but I think that is part of the problem.  Let me try and explain what I'm talking about.

I recently got off the phone with a youth pastor who is just flat burned out.  He talked with me about the need he was having for a break, and what I think he was asking for was a Sabbath, a rest, a break from the routine.  This was more than just a time to spend with family; as a matter of fact, from the outside looking in, I thought he was one of the guys who had it all together.  I thought he was pretty balanced in his life at church and home.  From the outside, he seemed like he was doing okay.  Apparently I was wrong.

He didn't have an affair, not even on the radar screen.  He didn't have a meltdown, loss of work ethic, fractured marriage, or kids who hated him.  He didn't have a board that was too demanding, a slave driver as a senior pastor, or a youth staff that expected him to be at everything and do it all himself.  He was just dying from the inside out.  His pastor was shocked when he told him how he felt.  The board was supportive but a little bewildered by his request for a sabbatical.  How does this happen?  How do we get here? 

I remember one friend, a close friend of mine who was in the ministry, who had an affair.  No one saw it coming.  I had a friend who was pastoring a church in the South.  When his wife came home from work one afternoon, she watched him kill himself.  Everyone scratched their heads.  Have you ever found yourself making the statement, "I've seen stuff like this happen to other people, but them?  Never", only to watch the unbelievable happen.  I had another friend who was high up in his denominational leadership, and the reason he had an affair was because for him, it was the only way out.  He was literally being eaten up from the inside out, and the only way of escape was to do the unthinkable.

Reflecting as a former youth pastor, now professor, on my years of service, there are some things I've come to realize about ministry:

1. It can be one of the loneliest places in the world.
2. In 25 years of ministry, I never had anyone in leadership tell me to slow down.
3. I had friends who asked me about my marriage, but I can never recall one board member asking me how my wife was doing.  I was never offered a weekend away, all expenses paid, just to renew the most important earthly relationship I had.
4. I realized that if I didn't carve time out for myself, my wife, and my family, it wouldn't happen.  I remember a conversation with my wife about all the events I could plan for our youth group, all the planning that went in to that; travel, budget, lodging, where we would eat every meal, etc., and the lack of energy I brought into the planning of our own family vacations, if we had one at all.  Guilty as charged.

Are you feeling guilty or ashamed yet?  This isn't so much a statement about those who have been in leadership in the places I've served either, as much as they are about me.  For whatever reason, the things we say are important aren't matching up well with how we act.  So, can I make a few suggestions, (ie., Mark's paraphrase) that I got from an old article by Earl Palmer in a youth worker's magazine from the 80's? 

One, sleep.  We need to rediscover the wholistic way we were created, and reconcile that the reason we might feel burned out spiritually, is that we're just physically run down.  I saw a classic example of that on the show Survivor (a closet fan I am). 

Probably one of the best physical specimens on the show this past week just collapsed.  Not sure whether he was dehydrated, malnourished, but for sure, he wasn't sleeping.  If you're watching the show this season, you know that it's rained at least six days straight, with very few breaks.  They were cold, not eating well, drinking very little water, and not sleeping.  Even though he was in great shape, his body said, "Enough", and he was done.

I think we're no different.  As a matter of fact, I wonder if in some way, all my friends who have what we call "failures", might have just had all they could handle, and their spirit said, "That's it; you're done."  Rest is our friend. 

Two, find one hour a day for you.  Whether it's reading a good book, taking a nap (which is okay), going for a run, watching Pardon the Interruption (you know what I mean), or taking your wife out for lunch, break the rhythm of your day by doing something that renews you each day.  You need it, you deserve it, we're wired that way, so it's necessary; really. 

Three, date your spouse.  The best and healthiest thing you can do for you kids, is to love your spouse.  Listen to what they need.  Spend time with them.  I never bought into the quality vs. quantity argument.  I always thought that was a cop-out for busy people, justifying their busyness.  You can't replace presence, and quality time comes only from the investment of a lot of time.  You know that's true about ministry, why wouldn't it be the same for our families?  Love them first.  Love them more than your job.  Love them more than the church.  Remember, it's God's church, he is more than capable of taking care of it.

Four, take a day off.  Find one day a week that is yours, and that won't be Sunday.  The good thing is, most of us will still be able to squeeze in our Nazzy nap, but thinking Sunday is our Sabbath is nuts.  In youth ministry, that won't be on the weekend either, at least not on a regular basis, which complicates things if your wife works outside of the home. 

If you can't find a full day, at least get out for half a day.  This is renewal, investment.  As you learn to invest in yourself, as you become healthy, I think you will find that your ministry is healthier as well.  My wife has a saying about her business: "Speed of the leader, speed of the team."  That's not as much about miles per hour as it is pace.  Or modeling and mentoring.  The best way for you to take care of your family and ministry is to first take care of yourself. 

Here's how my week worked.

Never took Monday off, I was too tired.  I wasn't good for anyone, especially me.  So I'd go to my office, shuffle papers, answer e-mails, regroup from the weekend, and get ready for the week.  I'd work to outline my newsletter, and just do busy, menial tasks that kept me awake, like filling the pop and candy vending machines.  Then I'd go home and feel good about my day.

Tuesdays, I began work on my message if I was speaking, planned what I was going to do Wednesday night, ate lunch with the staff, scheduled meetings with students, and finalized outlines, newsletters, etc.  All our meetings were on Tuesday nights, so once a month I'd meet with the youth staff, church or Christian Life Council. 

Wednesday was staff meetings, reviewing the weekend and planning for the one to come.  Wednesday afternoons were setting up for whatever was going on Wednesday night.  I'd also do more work on my message for Sunday night's youth group, living with the passage, and looking for how God was shaping that throughout my week.  Wednesdays were usually very busy; it was usually run, run, run.

Thursdays were my day off.  Terry and I would always eat lunch together, go shopping, walk through Sam's Club, or go to an afternoon matinee.  Nothing really exciting, but we were together.  When you're together you talk about life, family, ministry, pressure, spring break, and what you're eating for supper.  Thursdays were our day.  We used the answering machine, turned off our cell phones, and played together.  We loved Thursdays.

Friday afternoon was mine.  I'd take a book, go to Panera, drink coffee, and eat cinnamon crunch bagels.  My secretary knew what I was doing, Terry knew where I was, and the only calls I answered was from either of them.  Because they knew what I was doing, I also knew if they called, I needed to answer.  Friday nights were usually spent at some game, band concert, play, etc.  It is what we do.

Saturday was always a flex day, usually having something going on within the youth ministry.   Car washes (man I hate them), activities, visitation, etc.  You know the way Saturdays can be.

Sundays were "drinking from the firehose" day.  It was going from 8:00 a.m - 9:00 p.m.  I'd try and catch a nap, but more times than not find myself back at the church after lunch putting the finishing touches on my message.  Worship team started showing up around 3:00 p.m., practice at 4:00 p.m., students showing up at 5:00 p.m., youth group at 6:00 p.m., and they'd hang around until 8:30 p.m.  That's why Mondays were what they were.

So, what Palmer suggests is this formula:

• An hour a day
• A day a week
• A weekend a month
• A week every quarter

Livable?  Practical?  Doable?

Only if we make it a priority.  Only if we want to be healthy.  Only if we want to live by the Biblical mandate of Sabbath.  So, how about it?